Responding to Meltdowns
Responding to Meltdowns
There is no denying it – meltdowns are tough, for everyone involved. When a child is screaming and lashing out, it is natural as parents to become overwhelmed as well. Whilst the knee-jerk reaction to a child’s dramatic meltdown scene may be to yell and try to discipline the child, it is important to remember what the behaviour is really telling you.
Children typically experience meltdowns in response to a big emotion, such as anger, fear, sadness, or jealousy. Typically, meltdowns are used as a way of communicating “I’m struggling!” and are a time when children need emotional support. Unfortunately, expecting young children to master impulse control is like expecting them to solve complex algebraic equations: not realistic. Their brain is still developing, and with that development eventually comes the ability to think rationally, plan and consider others. You can’t change this. But what you can change is how you react to your child’s outbursts, and in doing so, prompt calmer behaviour from them. Responding with empathy rather than exasperation will likely lead your child to calm quicker, and through this learn how to regulate their emotions better.
How can I support my child during a meltdown?
Here are some of our top tips on how to help your child when they are experiencing a meltdown:
Use feeling words: through assigning words to your child’s feelings, you are helping them to identify how they are feeling. This could sound like “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated, is that right?”. If they can recognise what emotion they are experiencing, they are better able to communicate them. Stating “I’m angry that I haven’t had my turn playing with the play station” is much more productive (and peaceful!) than dropping to the ground and screaming. Be sure to also praise your child when they do communicate what they are feeling to encourage them to continue.
Try to recognise what your child is trying to communicate: toddlers and young children often struggle to find the words to express what they need, thus resorting to behaviour such as crying, screaming, and lashing out. Trying to understand what your child is trying to communicate can assist with knowing how to best respond. Are they worried about something and looking for some reassurance? Are they upset and wanting some support?
Consider the triggers: If parents can recognise the triggers for the behaviour, they are better able to prevent the meltdown from occurring. Some common triggers are tiredness, hunger, and boredom.
Be consistent: if your child was wanting something they are not allowed and in response are ‘throwing a tantrum’, giving in to what your child wants will reinforces the tantrum behaviour. In other words, they learn that kicking, screaming, and crying gets them what they want. Although we know that not giving in to this behaviour is easier said than done!
Remain calm: Lower your voice and use a calm tone when speaking to your child as this will help them to calm. Becoming angry, and raising your voice, typically heightens children more.
Consider giving your child space: Sometimes children, like adults, need some space to help them calm down. When feeling emotions strongly, children typically struggle to understand logic and reason when being spoken to. They may simply, need some time and space to calm. Ensure your child and the space they are in is safe and try giving them some time to calm down.
If your child is experiencing difficulties with emotional regulation, or you would like to learn more about supporting your child, please contact the friendly team at Progressive Psychology on 0477 798 932 to make an appointment with one of our highly skilled psychologists today.
Chelsie Priestley is a Provisional Psychologist at Progressive Psychology