What Kids Win by Losing
At the risk of showing my age, back in my day not everyone received a participation ribbon. Our society has become increasingly focused on winning, coming first, and having the biggest and the best of things. And although the disappointment can be real, the experience of losing has many positive effects on children. Let’s have a look at what kids can win by losing.
Losing Helps Build Resilience
In the age of helicopter and lawnmower parenting, kids learn how to bounce back from a loss. And with each loss experienced, children learn they will recover after a setback – a vital thing for kids to learn before adulthood. They learn that a setback is an opportunity for growth. Losses help kids understand that they need to work towards their goals, persist and keep trying, even when situations are tough. So, step away from the lawnmower and hop out of the pilot’s seat so your child can develop one of the most important self-management skills of our time.
Losing Helps Accept Defeat
Losing is a natural part of life, and we cannot always win at everything. Accepting defeat helps your child acknowledge that other people are important, too, and that everyone has value. Respect for others can be built through competition and losing, which ultimately can result in more positive social interactions with others. And besides which, it’s true that winning isn’t everything – the people we play the game with are way more important than the outcome.
Losing Shows That Everyone Has Different Skills
Tom might be great at writing stories but not as good as Janie at playing soccer. Janie might be great at playing soccer but not as good as Rob at drawing. Rob might be a thoughtful friend but not as good as Kate at building with Lego. You get the idea. Children learn that working with others is important. Your child will learn that, collectively, people are stronger together than the sum of our individual parts (thanks, Aristotle).
Losing Helps with Emotional Regulation
Disappointment, frustration, sadness and anxiety are all common reactions to a loss. Losing provides kids with a supported space to learn how to regulate their emotions better. They learn what strategies are helpful and unhelpful for them to regulate. This insight is vital because emotional regulation is a lifelong skill necessary for interactions. Regulation skills developed in childhood will help shape your child into a compassionate, adaptive individual who can better cope with the challenges of adulthood. Isn’t this, at its core, the goal of parenting?
Losing is Character Building
One of the most successful teachers in our society is loss. Losing helps your child learn about patience, integrity and persistence. They start understanding the importance of having empathy for others and why we should support each other during challenging times and experiences. Experiencing loss helps shape your child into a kind person who supports others.
Losing Helps Success Appreciation
Fantastic - your child won! Victories are meaningful when kids have faced loses. Kids learn that hard work and motivation are essential for the successes they dream of. And in turn, kids appreciate that their successes, and the successes of others, are only possible through commitment and enthusiasm, resulting in support and encouragement towards their peers. Win-win!
So, fundamentally, while losing can be heartbreaking, it provides an opportunity for learning. Not only does losing help your child to grow, but it helps to prepare them for the realities of adulthood. Life, in all its intricate beauty, is a mosaic of triumphs and setbacks, of wins and losses. Kids grow and learn the most when they lose – and that is how they truly win.
If you or your child are having difficulties and require an appointment to see a psychologist, please don’t hesitate to contact our friendly reception team on 0477 798 932 and we would be happy to book you an appointment.
Jacki Noney is a Provisional Psychologist at Progressive Psychology.