Why every man should talk to a psychologist
Why every man should talk to a psychologist - breaking the silence for better mental health
– Written by an Australian man who has been there.
Growing up in Australia, like many boys, I was taught to be Tough, Resilient and to deal with life on my own. Emotions? That was for females. But as I was hitting my 20s, juggling work, leaving study, relationships and friendships. I started to feel emotions that I couldn’t ignore. I felt anxious all the time, I couldn’t sleep, I felt alone even when I was with friends. It took me too long to realise I needed help. It took me looking at an oak tree, travelling 100km an hour and thinking how easy it would be to veer slightly to the left. Even then, it took me a long time to accept that talking to a psychologist wasn’t a sign of weakness but an act of strength. Now after years of reflection, I realise I was never alone in these thoughts. Nor was I alone in this journey. Australian men are suffering with their mental health in silence, and its time we started talking about it.
The Silent struggle: what the data tells us
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS), over 18% of males have experienced a mental health disorder in the past 12 month, however only 1 in 3 of them had sought help for this. this silence has a devastating consequence. Suicide remains the leading cause of death for adult men aged 15-44. In 2022, 2,384 Australian men died by suicide – three times the number of women. These aren’t just statistics, they are fathers, brothers, partners, mates and I could have been just another number.
Why don’t men talk.
Research consistently shows that the traditional masculine norms of stoicism, self-reliance, and emotional suppression contribute heavily to why men avoid seeking help. When my mother died when I was 14 years old, I needed to be the strong one, my sister was struggling, going off the rails and self-destructing. I needed to be strong, suppress my emotions and go on with life. I attended school, I did my exams, I played my sports. I needed to be consistently stoic. It wasn’t till years later when I was staring down a large oak tree at 100km an hour I released how this affected me. Research has found that men often view therapy as a threat to their masculinity and image of strength. We fear being judged. We feel ashamed for needing support and worry that opening up to someone will make us appear “weak”.
There was also the practical side. I’d never spoken about my emotions or how I felt, so how could I walk into a room and talk about things? Where would I start? I also thought my issues weren’t serious enough. Talking to a psychologist was for people with “ real issues”. But I learned later in life that every issue is valid and that talking to a psychologist often isn’t about being in a crisis, its about just being human.
So, what does talking to a psychologist really look like?
One of the key barriers to addressing male loneliness is the reluctance to seek support or admit vulnerability. A national longitudinal study known as "Ten to Men", conducted by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, found that fewer than 25% of men would speak to a mental health professional when facing emotional struggles.
Instead, many men internalise their distress or attempt to cope through the use of unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol, illicit substances, overworking, or just shutting down emotionally. In some cases, men may not even recognise their experience as loneliness — instead describing it as feeling "flat," "directionless," or "lacking motivation."
The roots of this reluctance often lie in gender socialisation. From a young age, boys are often taught to "man up", suppress emotion, and to avoid behaviours perceived as weak or emotional. To cry is forbidden. As these patterns persist into adulthood, they can erode emotional literacy and block the development of meaningful male friendships.
The Social Cost of Silence
Spoiler alert: there is no couch to lay on. There is no blaming of your mother or father, or rehashing your childhood…unless you want to. Seeing a psychologist is about understanding your own mind- looking at the way you think, feel and behave. It is about learning strategies to cope with whatever it is you are struggling with and building emotional strength.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most researched psychological treatments. Its shown to be highly effective for anxiety and depression, and many other conditions. Through CBT I learned practical skills to break the cycle of negative thoughts, something that I found useful and appreciated this for its direct, solution-focused approach.
Therapy isn’t what you think. Let’s bust some common myths
1. It's not manly to need help
Being manly is knowing when you are not ok and reaching out for help. It is doing something positive to make a difference. Veering into the oak tree at 100km per hour doesn’t help you or the people you love.
2. I should be able to fix this myself
You wouldn’t fix your own broken leg, you would see a doctor. So why would you try to fix your mind without the correct tools and training. One of the things I have learned is that even doctors see other doctors, and psychologists see other psychologists. Even the professionals need help sometimes.
3. Psychologist just listen, the don’t do anything special
Wrong. Therapy is active, it is collaborative. It takes two people to tango. Psychologist work with you to challenge unhelpful thinking and patterns of behaviour. They assist you to build a tool box of coping skills and create lasting change. In my first session, I wasn’t an active participant. I was skeptical. I simply answered what they asked and expected results. I know you are surprised when I say it didn’t work. I learned I needed to actually be present and active in my own therapy for it to be effective.
Why is matters – For you, and everyone you love
Talking to a psychologist isn’t just about feeling better, its about functioning better. Its about improving your relationships, your work performance, your sleep and your sense of meaning and purpose in the world. When you look after your mental health, your nore not only hlping Yousef, youre showing up as a better mate, partner, parent. Youre breaking a cycle and setting new standards for the people around you, you are also sending a powerful message to everyone you know that men deserve mental wellness too, its not weak to ask for help and its not weak to ask your mates if they are ok?
Where to start
See your GP. The first conversation is the hardest. You may be eligible for a mental health care plan, which enables you to claim a Medicare rebate for up to 10 psychology appointments in a calendar year. You can also self-refer to a psychologist and may consider claiming on your private health extras.
The following crisis helplines are also helpful:
- MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78 | www.mensline.org.au
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 | www.lifeline.org.au
- Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467
If you are a man reading this, I want you to know you are not weak, you are not broken, you are not alone. Seeing a psychologist changed my life and it can change yours.
We need to redefine what being a strong male figure looks like. It’s not about bottling things up or pretending to be invincible. It’s about owning your mind, facing your fears and having the courage to speak up to mates and speak up to seek support. Talk to a psychologist for yourself, for your future. For the people you care about and the people who care about you.
You can reach out to the friendly team at Progressive Psychology on 0477 798 932 who would be more than happy to make you an appointment with a psychologist.